This unfortunate “goal” has been passed down unconsciously and is from conditioning and needs to be undone, unraveled and re-examined really closely.
Many women have been trained and conditioned by unconscious men to perform a certain way in sex that serves no one and actually desensitizes numbs, and avoids rather than enlivens.
The bullshit conditioning is that if a woman is properly “perfoming” in her sex the man should cum otherwise she’s failed as a woman, or she’s not attractive, or she’s doing something wrong and/or she isn’t worth loving or giving her love to nourish her World because she didn’t deliver, or
This is a huge amount of expectation and pressure that causes tension and makes sex more of a performance and less a surrender and in the long run discharges the relationship of any vitality. In other words, men end up vibrating as neutral or as women and women end up vibrating as men.
The charge flips and the relationship seems to lend more towards suffering, pain, and power struggles than immersed in beauty.
If we drop all expectation on both sides and commit to be present and loving always during sex without having to get anywhere or do anything; then, the energy will move where it needs to and grow and support Life. And there’s no “right” way to do this.
But don’t take my word for it, experiment with what feels in alignment for you.
The women is the sex, the woman is the orgasm.
A man’s ejaculation has no comparison to the Life force moving through a woman as she begins to open her entire beingness. If a man is attempting to occupy the woman’s space during sex with his ejaculation then the woman is never nourished or fully able to surrender into her bliss or deeply recharge herself in her Heart.
A man needs to ground firmly so she can dance.
The revolution I’m inciting is that a woman most empowers her man when she requests him to stay fully present with her in sex through all her waves in a grounded way without him ejaculating.
Yes, a woman can receive a man’s energy and circulate it through her without receiving his semen and have it be just as or more powerful.
This may mean pausing and going really slow and feeling each other and being patient!
By the woman letting go of making the man cum and the woman letting go of pulling a man’s semen from him — a huge shift may happen.
There’s no more push/pull, there’s now a space, a throne where Love can sit and guide something bigger than both people and sing back and forth between them.
Maybe a breath of true ecstasy might feel welcome and appear between you both, that is a seed in itself and grows how She needs to.
Test it out.
Love and Firmness,