One of the most ecstatic of feelings that moves us is Grief.
When we lose a friend, a lover, a parent, our pet, our home — you name it — Life is checkmating us into a place of deep feeling, inspiration and possibility to pause in our own lives, feel and then give a gift back to Life.
We having been so deeply in Love with what is now lost and gone creates a sacred place inside of us that has a magical potential to transform into a deep honoring of Life Herself.
When we stay with and feel and honor the time we shared with that person — when that person was alive — who is now no longer here — we can supply energy and “juice” back to Life. We can give back to the sources of all creation.
What a gift to see and feel our loss. We miss what is no longer here. And to realize we too will die too at some point. And then we remember all the other griefs in our lives because this one that just happened of course sparks all the other losses that may still want to be felt some more.
It might never end and that might be a good thing because it means we are alive, human, and feel.
I remember when my grandmother passed away in Colchester, Connecticut. Her tradition was Roman Catholic and so after returning from the “calling hours” one day, I sat alone in the living room of this New-England style colonial house filled with chachkas. The next thing I knew a wave of feeling passed over me and I was weeping for the next hour after hour unable to move as each wave of grief hit me similar to those giant waves hitting a lighthouse just off the coast in the sea.
In each wave, my body relaxed and memories flooded. I remembered when I was 4 and she handed me some dill while walking through her garden. Or eating her amazing blueberry pies made with crisco and cool-whip that she made for me when I visited because she knew they were my favorite. Or that time when I was 7 or 8 when she took me to church early one morning and we met with a group of her old-lady friends and we all huddled close in a couple of pews and I listened as they sang their rosaries over and over again.
And then there were times I felt the grief would never end — when I was going through my divorce, loosing a farm in Wisconsin and being separated from my son.
Life can take everything away from us in an instant.
The time we have together is deeply precious, Grief teaches us that and then moves us in a new way to renew what’s been lost in a Life-giving form.
There is no timeline for Grief — its what each person feels in their heart. Grief cannot be rushed.
When someone is feeling grief they need people that have gone through grief and have come out the other end that will have their back and not let them go so they know they can break-down to the deepest level and not be judged, criticized later on, or held to anything they said while in the throws of feeling their loss. That’s showing up and having courage on both sides.
Not feeling the grief or attempting to escape or fill the emptiness stagnates us and ultimately leads to addiction and creates more pain. This is something I’m also personally familiar with and have lived through as well.
Remember Life is always feeding us and taking care of us even in all of our suffering.
Better to feel, live, love, and give some form of gift back to Life that sprouts up from our grief that only we know and can do.