(This post is directly for men who get frustrated when women start expressing themselves and this post is especially for men who react to a woman’s expression by wanting to shut it down or change it. For women reading this, please notice that my tone here is meant to be hard to bring out the energy in Men that he’s been avoiding and that you as a woman needs from him that will nourish you.)
(Also, with all my posts I highly suggest reading them out-loud so you can feel the words being spoken and being received in your body not just your head.)
Men — drop the seduction, manipulation, and deception in attempting for you to be seen by her or for you to get your cock wet that derives from a desperate neediness and lack of willingness to be present with yourself.
Drop your need to be seen by her.
Your responsibility with her is to inspire her love and expression — NOT to be a dancing monkey (i.e. a man that is needy for attention) doing everything you can to get her to love you or to get your dick inside her.
Your neediness has to be addressed and seen by you as a place where you are asking a woman to mother you. Why do you need to be mothered? Take a look at that. A woman whose devoted to you may tolerate it for a bit, but it will burn her out, de-nourish her, and kill the polarity in the relationship. She ultimately wants you to take care of it on your own to “figure your own shit out” so she doesn’t have to worry about it and can surrender back into her heart and be nourished and not have to coddle your “boyish” ass.
The shift from a boy to a man is that a boy needs to be loved, attended to, re-affirmed, and validated. Whereas a man is penetrating out with his unique on-purpose essence and inspiring love in the world around him not expecting anything in return — he is self-validating and confirming.
Men, even if you didn’t get what you needed or what you wanted as a boy that’s not an excuse — learn to give it yourself NOW.
By shifting into initiating and inspiring love — you are giving out with a trust that you will receive what you need when you need it. That’s faith in your masculinity. That’s being a Man. That’s showing up for the world around you. That’s sexy, real, authentic and attractive.
Give first. Be vulnerable first. Show up first. Initiate!
In your intimate relating, this means shine on her in a way where you begin courting her expression. Really stay present with her, tuning into the way she moves, the way she feels, the tonality and dimension of each word she is speaking. She wants you to feel her — not fix her, problem solve, change her, or “hold space for her.”
Her freedom is in your commitment to her expression being felt by you all the way through. That means you penetrating every word beneath its “semantic meaning” with your awareness to her deepest depths of feeling in her body behind her words. That’s what she’s asking for you to do.
Men you are not a therapist, you are integral part of the circuit of intimate relating that initiates her energy to open and her heart to get bigger so anything in the way of her heart can move and be burned up by your awareness. Commit to that for her. Commit to her freedom of expression or leave. If you are half-assing things you are doing what every unconscious man before her has done and only adding to her trauma.
Yes “hold a safe space” for her but do so in the context of an intimate relationship where you are there providing a safe space with her with your body as a giant penis that is sensitive and penetrating her — depending upon what is needed — its not just an empty non-judgemental space. The space is being engaged by YOUR energy.
Remember there needs to be space and penetration together — not just one or the other. She will reflect back to you what she needs as you show up more and then you can adjust.
When you begin to approach and stay present with her expression you are courting her and initiating intimacy.
Understand things from her side. The head of your penis that is always penetrating out and loves sex is equivalent to a woman’s larynx always expressing and loving to talk. Honor both sides of the polarity not lopsided-ness.
These positive poles in our body are generators and antenna that are always radiating out and have been dumped on by heap-loads of conditioning and trauma. Have compassion for both your side AND hers.
You committing to her freedom of expression will assist her in releasing the trauma in her body — as well as yours (but in a different way that won’t look like hers).
Also ask, if there is no freedom or care for her expression why would she want to open to your penis moving all about inside her? What’s really there to nourish her? Are you just wanting to take from her? Why are you with her?
By you getting interested, curious, and tuning into her expression you initiate the process of intimacy and you begin to clean up all the crap that’s been dumped inside her so her love can get bigger and express in the way she chooses.
Her love is hers — ITS NOT YOURS. Stop trying to posses her love. That will only kill it and is another aspect of the “boyishness” that needs to transform into Manliness.
You are there to free her up so she can express her love in however she chooses. If she chooses to love on you as her expression opens, then receive the gift or learn to receive it as that honors and values her feminine. And if she doesn’t love on you, then learn to receive that response as well without reacting to her. Drop the expectations and learn unconditionality so the energy can actually come to you and nourish you rather than you chase everything.
Give this gift of courting her expression back to feminine and trust in your capacity as man to begin healing all the shitty-ness people do to each other.
Doing this is caring and makes you not only into a Man but also a Person of worth.
Love and Firmness,